Just Friends Okay!

So here I was, sitting inside a nice restaurant with a beautiful girl, having good food along with some nice music. The conversation was nowhere between us. She was confused over it. She knows that this is not the real me. I use to engage her with my talks but I was more into the things around the restaurant rather than talking or admiring her. The tension and pressure of saving the evening was rising. So she spoke.

“You know I don’t feel like having a boyfriend. I don’t feel good. You care for me specially but its better if I get it as a friend”, she said with a plain face.

I just smiled a bit. I didn’t allow myself to look angry and disappointed. She then asked me what I wanted. I wanted many things but the lines she spoke changed my wants. Now I just wanted to stand up, take the bill and throw it on her and leave. But I intended to keep myself in the gentleman’s club so I sat firmly and calmly. Then, I spoke.

“I want a girl who should be worthy of me”

She was utterly surprised to hear what I said. It was clear that she was taken aback by my lines. “What do you mean? She asked.

“I know that I am good at handling relations. You may call it self-praise or attitude but there are things that you know about yourself and I know this. I haven’t met a girl till now who is worth it”,

I don’t know what she exactly felt but she stood up, paid the bill and left. Well, at least I made her pay the bill.

I came out of the restaurant and I realized that it was Thursday and the next four days are holidays and there will be just me at home. It seemed like boring four days. No one at home, TV is worthless and definitely no date is happening. I didn’t want myself to sink into the pain of becoming ‘just friends’ after making all the efforts to be more than that.

 I cursed myself for ruining my weekend. I could have made some reservations for the weekend. But God and whattsapp is there to help. I got a text asking to meet up. So Saturday got covered.  She was from my graduation college. I didn’t have any feeling, I was just happy to have an engaged Saturday evening.

I went to meet her and the entire meet turned into a nightmare. She started crying and complaining that why didn’t I call her since four months. I had no clue that she wanted me to call her. “It was just me who kept on calling, you didn’t even understand”, she continued while sobbing.

I somehow managed to take her out of the restaurant and calmed her down. I reminded myself of the conversation I had with her. She clearly said, “We are okay as friends only”. I replied gently with yes but with disappointment at heart.

One month later,

 I was again at a nice restaurant with good food, nice music and beautiful girl in front of me. It was difficult to distract me. She looked at me and smiled. We had a good conversation. It all seemed to be going the right way.  I thought this girl looks like a straight answer to my efforts.

“So, are we friends or what? We should be friends okay!

And that was it. I had no idea what to say and how to approach her further. I was not sure if she wants to avoid extra attachment or wants me to persuade her. Third time the same reaction. I couldn’t understand how this happens everytime. I know that relations don’t happen in days but saying that we should be friends only takes it to full stop.

For once I thought maybe there is something I am lacking and I need to find it but when I reviewed all my approach to the three girls in 3-4 months or so, it did not projected me as ‘friend only’. I was clear from start that ‘I have too many friends’ even good friends and I am treating you as special because I want you to be one’.

Two texts came on my whats app while I was reviewing my approach. The gist of both the messages was, “Where are you since we met last month. No calls, no message, friends don’t behave this way.

I wanted to say that, friends also don’t poke you all the time and get jealous when you post a picture with some other girl. But I didn’t reply.  I had too many things to think of rather than thinking of a reply. I switched off my phone and walked out of the restaurant without saying anything.

Things do starts with friendship but girls are smart enough to guess that the guy wants more than 

just being friends. I mean taking you personally for dinner does indicate that.

Talking at random times, long talks every night and even taking her to a nice restaurant. Does all this 

does not indicate that the guy is not at all interested in just friendship but more than that?

 One might say that it is up to the girl to decide what she wants with a guy while starting any relation 

and they do it to be completely sure about her choice.

So what should a guy do? I mean if he continues to persuade. The answer would be ‘don’t you understand what I said about being friends’. If he does not, the statement would be ‘why are you behaving this way. Why don’t you talk like earlier?

It is almost impossible to answer ‘what women want’ but what men want is simple. They just want 

their efforts to be admired in whatever way it is being executed. If a guy is making an effort he 

should be rewarded with straight answers, yes or no or even ‘maybe’ would work.

Yes, guys are morons and they take ‘maybe’ as ‘yes’ and starts behaving like it but it happens 

because they get ‘just friends’ tag more than the ‘maybe’ on the same efforts.

I for that matter of fact am date free for now. I decided to first understand what actually the 

statement, ‘we are just friends’ means when it is said at a candle light romantic dinner table.

Ajit Kumar

In this Moment

Few months ago I was travelling in metro to reach my new college. I noticed a group of young people standing in one of the corners of the metro car. They were laughing, teasing each other, enjoying every bit of each other and cherishing what they have. It was evident from their behaviour that they don’t need anything else if they have each other. I just kept on looking at them and kept on restraining myself of my memories that I have. The memories that reminds of the time when I use to be a part of the group I am seeing now, cherishing my moments, enjoying like you don’t need tomorrow.

But the truth is the truth, doesn't matter how hard it is. You have to accept it. Truth was that I don’t have that group with me neither I want to be anymore. Reason also doesn't matter for me anymore because I made a decision of not being a part of one now. It hurts when you are left with just memories and nothing else. Even the good ones bring a sad emotion in you when you think of it.

I made a promise to myself that I will only be academically inclined and nothing else. I will socialize but only when needed. The rest I will do when I get the chance to be with my best friend who is 1000 kilometres from me. For a moment I thought I could miss out the fun others will have with their new friends but I decided that I will compensate for it when I will have my moment.

The college started and so does socializing. You need to be around people to get involved in activities. I was doing the same but soon I became friends with one person and another one followed a day later. I thought its okay since I need roommates. Then few days passed by and few more followed. I was skeptical about it. I felt like I am roaming in a circle and I will back at square one. I will have friends, a whole group, fun and then only memories. It will haunt me rather than a knight against nightmares. I tried to keep my distance but I was drawn into their collective charm. I knew that it is a friendship that is knocking on my door but I wanted to shut the door and leave forever.

Today I was in metro again but with my group of friends. Laughing, teasing each other, enjoying and cherishing each moment.

With time I realized that it doesn't matter how stiffly you close doors for your emotions. There is something in life called friendship which always break that door apart and fill your space with fun, support and inspiration. I was too inclined towards securing my future. It was hurting my real self. I am not someone who remains with plain face and sits with his hand on chin all the time. I can only be what I am when I am around friends.

One of my friends from this group wrote on her blog that ‘Success is subjective and it depends on what parameter you evaluate it on’.

Yes it is true.

I will have my future with success in it but it will not be based on a bitter present. I will evaluate it on how happy I was earlier and how happy I am after getting my share of success.

Lies and doubts are created but truth happens and for me the truth is that my best and my good friends are far away. So I could only be sad about it and be miserable or I could live my life with the people who are true to me and love me for what I am and not someone I pretend to be. I chose to live around them, with them.

Yes another truth is that we all might get separated in near future and I will be left with memories again. Memories do make you emotional but I am not afraid of having it anymore.

- Ajit Kumar

Humour! Anyone?

Humour in India is like sex. People love to do it, try it, don't know if it was great but feel like it was, when you know that someone else is doing good then you say 'huh I can do better'. Only few people appreciate, actually only those who knows the where, when and what to do.

Earlier humour was in the form of word of mouth jokes, and then came SMS jokes and now well there is still whatsapp jokes. Apart from those comic strips, few stand ups, few serials and movies were there but the time has changed now and so has the media. Thanks to internet, there is a whole new platform for the creator of humour to present upon. The best part is that they don't have to restrict themselves in terms of creativity like in case of serials and movies. 

With the likes of Faking news, All India Bakchod (AIB), The Viral Fever (TVF), etc. humour has taken a leap. It has reached to much larger audience. Some appreciate it and some dislikes it. But in case of disliking the satire and humour I met people of two categories. One who believed that the things could have been done in a better way and then there were those who simply discarded the humour. 

The argument started on one of the AIB's video which is a jingle of ‘Classic Indian Ads. They said there is nothing classy about it and the song is quite irritating. 

I asked them why is that you didn't like it? I mean it takes a lot of effort to make one. The answer came, 'There is nothing new to it. I could do it any time of the day'. 

I requested them to do it. The answer came; I don't do such degrading things.

I insisted like a child but no. All the people of this category whom I totally discarded the satire and its humour by citing the reason that it is against the culture, it is corrupting the youth and making their minds dirty. The most shocking was that AIB's "It's My Fault" was degrading towards women for them.

It made me think that the humour spread has taken a leap but not the humour overall. I would have accepted them as rare kind if there have been few but there were more than ten.

After this experience I believe that there is still a need for the humour to take a leap and it would be better if we hire Neil Armstrong for that. We are still not ready to accept many things in humour specially sex, religion and politics. People even say don’t touch those topics to be on a safer side. Making a satire is not betting on share market.

It is done to point out society’s flaws in a comic or rather entertaining manner. It takes lot of effort to make a satire or create a humour. Dislike it as audience not as an apple’s engineer.

- Ajit Kumar

A letter to the JU's protesters

To,

The Protesters, JU

I have been reading from last few days about the scenario and "your brutality" over the honourable university's administration and the dutiful police department. And I would like to share my thoughts with you guys.

To read more>>

Being A Jobless Junk

“To beta! Where you got the placement?”

“I didn’t get any, Aunty. Actually I’m preparing for CAT”

“OK! So, basically you’re doing nothing now a days. Well, my son got placed in Infosys without any MBA degree” [CHUCKLE]

Believe me, if there’s any worst thing in this world then it can’t be worse than being a berojgar or in some different manner; struggler. Getting job is like a girlfriend; Hai to problem, Nahin hai to kuch zada hi problem and most of all, tumhare aas paas ke logo ko uuse bhi zada problem. Maybe you’ll not take this bekari more seriously but don’t worry, there’re people around you who will never let you skip the thought of being an unemployed bag of degree shits.

It’s something else if you are in the college or pursuing any degree, when you don’t need to worry about a job because you know you are not alone in the queue, in fact you’re in there with your buddies. But as soon as you get your degree, you’ll face the reality which says that 7 out of 10 friends have got placed and you come in those ‘three idiots’. The situation becomes more frustrating when your job-going friend invites you to celebrate his or her placement. You can’t even ignore the invitation as you don’t want the others think that you are frustrated (which you’re though) and don’t want to drop the opportunity to have some free alcohols and biryani.

Well this doesn’t just end up there! The situation becomes more blood sucking when you’ll browse Facebook. Though I regularly used to get useless feeds from my circle on the Facebook but after graduating and becoming a certified jobless junk, the feeds started burning my ass. And it should be! What you’ll think or react when one day you signed in to your account and saw Facebook flooded with;

Got placed in bla-bla. Feeling excited.

Got placed in Alfa-gamma.

That day I kept on rolling down the feeds, just to check out; is there anyone who is ‘feeling frustrated’ or something like that, so I can tranquilize myself that I am not alone here!?

All the year no one is going to even text you but a not-so-jaw-dropping job attracts those flies to your messenger and if by mistake you replied to those flies then get ready to get hamper by their shitty questions; ‘WHAT YOU’RE UP TO? GOT PLACED OR STILL LOOKING FOR SOMETHING?’ And in those situations, you can’t even reply back or you can’t even make them realize that they’re still above you by telling them ‘hell yeah! I am still jobless. So this is what you want to hear?’

Though your girlfriend will always be there to consolidate you or calm you up. But the reality is something else my friend! You never know, she must be giving you a last chance. Maybe she is just calming you up for the future; the break up with a berojgaar graduate. Of course, money is honey and honey is money!

Beside all that, if you’re single then you can’t even think to woo a girl. And it is! I mean... what you’ll say to the girl when she’ll ask you the base question; “What do you do!?” And if it’s of my case then it’s more than just complication. If I would say that I’m a part-time writer then she’ll run away and if I would say that I’m preparing for competitions then she’ll run away by saying those same pinching words; “So, basically tum abhi kuch nahin kar rahe ho!”

These are all about your circle but I haven’t yet mentioned the most irritating species on earth; relatives. The one who is less interested in what their kids are doing but more in what others’ kids are doing. They are the real ‘chintankartas’ even more than your parents. It may happen that your parents are not that much worried about your future as somewhere they’re having faith on you and your talent but… relatives! Dude, they actually know how to put you and your parents in worries and more often by giving useless suggestions which they would never apply on their own kids;

‘The market condition is not very good.. many graduates are sitting at home… my son was lucky. Hope the same will not happen to your kids’

‘Arey Sinha saab (my dad), what is the guarantee that your kid will get job after MBA. There are still thousands of MBA degree holder who’re sitting at home!’

And even after saying all those hyper blood sucking words, they will end up their balderdashes with; ‘Don’t worry, your kid will get there’.

Being a (mannered) struggler or so called berojgaar, I went through (and still I am) all those things which can easily make me out of focus. And guess all the guys of my kind are facing the same thing.

But ultimately I started ignoring those things and focusing on the future because I know that maybe it’s not the right time to get a place but when I’ll get it then it’ll definitely blow up everyone’s mind. And dude! You can’t just focus on your career or your future until and unless you’ll not throw this tension and all those bla-blas of your relatives and so called friends into the trash bag. And that is a fact.

- Kanishta Anshul

SMOKING; Injurious To Weath!

Today, I said good bye to her with a note of never to meet her again because I never thought that even to give a kiss to her, I've to pay so much of money. We were together for last four years but this is it! Good bye cigarettes.

Yeah! I quit smoking. Though my girlfriend is very much happy with my decision as she’s thinking that I quit it for her. Well, to some extent it’s true. Obviously if I’ll smoke anymore then I’ll definitely become bankrupt which can directly hamper my relationship which starts with an expensive gift and ends with another expensive gift.

But, I can’t deny the fact that the reason is only our prime minister.

It all started from the day when I switched on to a news channel presenting a special report on National budget 2014. The budget was looking very impressive and good for development of India. But I fell down to a mixed thought when they announced the hike in the price of cigarettes. Mixed because one side of my mind was saying that this decision can help many youngsters to control their addiction of smoking and the other side was unhappy as I’m also an addict.

Basically according to this national budget, if I’ll smoke anymore then my personal budget for smoking will increase up to Rs. 5000. 5000!

Damn’ I can buy an iPhone, if I’ll save this up to a year!

Jo kam ek girlfriend nahin kar saki wo kam is budget ne kar diya tha! It made me start thinking about myself being an incinerator which was burning waste materials. The waste materials which will now even cost me more than a vitamin capsule.

Smoking was hampering my health more than wealth from many years. But this national budget may hamper my wealth and health apparently, if I’ll not stop it here. I realized that maybe just like me, there are many, actually a lot of youngsters who were exactly thinking the same way as I was thinking; to kick the butt or to lick the butt?

Maybe that’s what our prime minister wants. The situation was enlightening his strategy very clearly; RAISE THE PRICE, THEN BAN IT! So, what he’s up to? An anti-smoking country – a healthier country? Maybe his strategy will work and force us to do the thing. As I always used to say that we, Indians, are the most complicated creature on earth. We’ll not understand any major thing until and unless we experience any major slope down in our wealth.

Also, maybe this can give a way to the black market to earn a lot of money by manufacturing duplicate cigarettes. Besides all that, an addict can always find a way to fulfill his addiction.

Jo bhi ho! Today I’m happy that I have quit smoking, at least it’s not hampering my lungs and my valet. And one thing is sure that the time is coming when ‘INJURIOUS TO WEALTH’ will take place of ‘INJURIOUS TO HEALTH’ in the cigarette packets.

- Kanishta Anshul

Being Human

Monday morning and I am inside the Delhi metro with my sore leg. I am already frustrated over the fact that I have to cover the distance of 40 stations to reach my destination. The crowd is enormous, so after seven stations I finally got the chance to sit but just minutes after minute a girl came and demanded for the seat. I looked up and saw sign with ‘for women written over it’ over my head. She noticed my sore leg but even though she demanded for it. I was angry over all this and said many things inside my head and stood with anger till she got off the train.

So finally after 17 stations I got a seat and laid myself onto it, I took the newspaper from my bag which I kept to pass the time of my one and half hour journey. As I was turning the pages I came across an article depicting a very horrific incident which occurred in April 1994; Rwanda genocide. More than million people including women and children of Tutsi community and moderate Hutu’s were killed in a series of mass killings carried on by the Hutu majority (Hutu and Tutsi are two ethnic group of Rwnada, Hutu being in majority). It all started when the airplane carrying the then president of Rwanda and the Hutu President of Burundi was shot down when it was about to land in the capital city of Rwanda. The following day Hutus started killing Tutsi people.

The people who were once neighbors started killing each other. Children were beheaded in front of their already terrified parents. Women were raped repeatedly and were infected with AIDS so that they die slow deaths and for this purpose AIDS patients were released from hospitals and were recruited in what was called ‘rape squad’. Atrocities have been even considered more brutal than Holocaust.

As I moved past the background and happening of this atrocity, I came across two names, Alice Mukarurinda and Emmanuel Ndayisaba. Alice is the treasurer and Emmanuel is the vice president of the group that helps the genocide victims. Alice’s baby daughter was killed in front of her and her right hand was chopped off in the maniac killing spree. Emmanuel was the person who killed Alice’s baby daughter and took her hand with his machete. Emmanuel in total killed 14 people. He was recruited by the militia and was encouraged to kill the tutsis. After the genocide Emmanuel was pervaded by guilt. He pleaded the survivors and victims of genocide for forgiveness. He then joined the group which was helping the victims and eventually came face to face with Alice. He pleaded, begged for forgiveness. After two weeks Alice gave that one thing to Emmanuel that changed his life forever, forgiveness.

In just two weeks of time Alice forgave the man who killed her baby daughter and took her arm. Not only she forgave him, she also attended many programs with him regarding the supply of aid to the victims. 20 years later they are friends and still work together. Not only Alice but whole country has moved past the feeling of anger and revenge and has indulged themselves in developing the society and economy of the country. They have had their achievements to some extent in 20 years. They still mourn the deaths and shed the tears remembering those who lost their lives and soul but they move with it. They don’t encourage it as an agenda to build politics. They don’t use it as an excuse to point out each other’s drawbacks. They use it as a teaching tool and learn from it to build their country’s future.

Many such things happened in our country too but we have not been able to move past those things and when we try to do, we are constantly reminded of our misery through rallies and speeches from the Khadi laden intellectuals and some religious police. One might say, how can we forget what they did?

It is not about forgetting it, it is about acceptance, learning and forgiveness. Accepting what has happened brings truce to the fight that fight from ourselves, learning from the past glorifies the future and forgiveness leads us to humanity and peace.

But the quality being a human does not come by wearing a T-shirt with the inscription saying ‘being human’. It comes from feeling it, being empathetic to others. Those who created the slogan must have felt it that is why they made it. Anger is something that leads us to believe only in revenge and nothing else. It takes a courage like Alice to forgive and be a real human. So who is brave Alice or the one who destroy lives and takes it or encourage people to do so out of anger?

Gandhi Ji said “An eye for an eye will only make whole world blind”. Blindness comes the moment you are filled with anger. The forgiveness and atonement can only make the world a brighter place.

As for me, I forgave that girl thirty minutes and one article later.

- Ajit Kumar Lal